Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
