oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
