Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
