party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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