ugly people sure do ruin things
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
