i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
