I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
