I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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