your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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