I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
