Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
