Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
