I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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