I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
