never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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