I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
