I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
