my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So vagazzling was a success
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
