new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
