sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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