Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
