Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
