The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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