I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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