his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
