Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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