Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
