Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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