someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I deserve this hangover.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
