last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
