omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
