We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The Olympian is in my bed
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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