you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
