If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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