I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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