Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
