I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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