Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
