Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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