DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
