his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
