Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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