16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
