that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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