How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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