Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
