her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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