Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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