I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
