Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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