I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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