11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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