so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
