I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
