it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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